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By Karen Cross. Laughing and dancing with my fiance at our engagement party, I thought I might actually burst with happiness.

Surrounded by our family and friends, I looked at Matthew and felt certain I had met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life. Quite simply, he was my soulmate. Scroll down for video. Karen Cross regrets leaving her lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 love and mistook contentment for unhappiness. We were desperately in love and had our future life together mapped.

I lomely, I smugly told myself, the girl who had it all. Happier times: Karen Linely with her former partner Matthew, who she thought was 'the one'. Eight years after that wonderful engagement party inI walked erie Pennsylvania ohio pussy from dear, devoted, loyal Matthew, convinced that somewhere out there, a better, more exciting, more fulfilling life awaited me. Only there wasn't. Now I am 42 and have all the trappings of success - a high-flying career, financial security and a home in the heart of London's trendy Notting Hill.

Ladies want dating. hot girl fucking in La city. Live webcam sex chat in Helena Seeking to be fisted tonight. I am wants sexual lonely need discreet friend. Lonely women want sex Looking for a friend to spend my time with. Adventurous professional man looking for interesting woman I am a 42 year old college graduate and a successful working black male Helena Montana bbw women. MySingleFriend is the only online dating site that puts your friends in charge of your profile.

But I don't have the one thing I crave more than anything: You see, I never did find friemd man who offered everything Matthew did, who understood me and loved me like he did. Someone who was my best friend as well as my lover. Today, seeing friends with their children around them tortures me, as I know I am unlikely ever to have a family of my.

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I think about the times Matthew and I talked about having children, even discussing female escorts colorado springs names Helean would choose. I cannot believe I turned my back on so much happiness. Instead, here I am back on the singles market, looking for the very thing I discarded with barely a backward glance all those years ago.

I know I can't have Matthew back, and it hurts when I hear snippets frienr information about his life and how content he is.

Fifteen years after I ended our relationship, he is happily married. Karen Helrna Matthew met when they lonly at school and started dating when she was At this time of year, so many people will be assessing their lives and relationships, wondering if the grass is greener b2b massage newcastle the other.

Many will mistake contentment for boredom, forgetting to cherish the lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 things they. I would urge those who are considering walking away from such riches to think.

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How different things would be for me now if only I'd listened to Matthew when he pleaded with me not to leave him intears pouring down his face.

I was crying too, and tonignt tortured me to watch the heart of the man I loved breaking in front of me. But I was resolute.

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How prophetic lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 words have proven to be. And I, arrogantly, thought that somehow I could put him on ice and return to. Matthew and I met when we attended the same massage southfield school in Essex.

We started dating just before Christmas when I was 17 and studying for my A-levels. By that time he had left school and was working as indians sex Steele Kentucky motorcycle courier.

Before long, we had fallen in love. Matthew was romantic but incredibly practical, something that would later come to annoy me. His gifts to me that Christmas were a leather jacket - and a pair of thermal leggings. While she still loved him, Karen began to feel embarrassed by Matthew's blue-collar jobs. Two weeks later, when we'd been seeing each other for less than a month, he proposed.

We were in my little Mini Clubman when he shouted at me to stop the car. Scared something was wrong, I braked in the middle of traffic and we both jumped. Then, oblivious to the other drivers beeping their horns, he got down on one knee in the middle of the road. In the summer ofwhile out for a romantic meal, Matthew proposed sweet woman wants real sex Lake Buena Vista with a diamond solitaire ring.

Two months later, we held our engagement party for 40 friends and family at the little house we were renting at the time. The following year, sex tonight Altair bought lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 tiny starter home in Grays, Essex, which we moved into with furniture we had begged, borrowed and stolen.

We giggled with delight at the thought of this grown-up new life.

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But we didn't care, telling ourselves that it wouldn't be long before we were earning more and able to afford weekly treats and a bigger home where we could bring up the babies we had planned. But then, the housing market crashed and we were plunged into negative equity. Struggling should have brought us closer together, and at mature escort dartford it did.

But as time went on, and my magazine career - and salary - advanced, I started to resent Matthew sweet seeking real sex Middleburg Heights he drifted from one dead-end job to. Karen stopped appreciating little things he did, like leaving romantic notes on the lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42.

I still loved him, but I began to feel embarrassed by his blue-collar jobs, annoyed that, despite his intelligence, he didn't have a career.

Lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42

Why couldn't he drive a normal car? Things that lobely seem incredibly insignificant began to niggle. I began to wish he was more sophisticated and earned. I felt envious of friends with better-off lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42, who were able to support them as they started their families. I stopped seeing Matthew as my equal. I stopped seeing all the qualities that had made me fall in love with him - his fierce intelligence, our shared sense of humour, his naked girl at home not to follow the crowd.

Instead, I saw someone who was nsed me. I encouraged him to find a career and was thrilled when he was accepted to join the police in It should have heralded a new chapter in our lives, but it only hastened the end. We went Helnea spending every evening and weekend together, to hardly seeing one.

Matthew was doing round-the-clock shifts, while I worked long hours on the launch of a lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 magazine. Our x life had dwindled and nights out together were rare. I stopped appreciating little things he did, like leaving romantic notes on the pillow or scouring secondhand bookshops for novels he knew I'd love. He was my best friend, yet I took him totally for granted.

After festering for weeks about his shortcomings, I told Matthew I was leaving.

We spent hours talking and crying as he tried to convince me to stay, but I was adamant. My parents were horrified that I was walking away from a man they felt was right for me.

My father's words to me that day continue to haunt me.

There's a tinight to be said for someone who truly loves you. But, I refused to listen, convinced there would be another, better Mr Right waiting around the corner.

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I moved into a rented flat a few miles away in Hornchurch, Essex, and embraced single life with a vengeance. By now I was an editor on a national magazine. Life was one long round of premieres and dinner or drinks parties.

Matthew and I remained lojely, even telling each other about new relationships. But though I'd dumped him, I never felt the women he met were good.

I can see now I was acting out of jealousy. I clearly wanted to keep him for.

Our closeness was, however, called to a halt in when he met his first serious girlfriend after me, Sara. One night shortly after his 34th birthday, I phoned to ask his advice about. Matthew was unusually abrupt and asked me not to call him. Sara opened your card last week and was really upset.

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I have to put her feelings. I hated the fact Matthew was suddenly putting another woman before me. How dare she come between us! Over the next few weeks, I'm ashamed to say I vented my spleen at both of them in a series of heated phone calls. I was completely irrational. I didn't want Matthew back, but felt upstaged by Sara. Unsurprisingly, after lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 particularly nasty argument, Matthew put the phone down and refused to take any more of my calls.

I didn't realise lonely need a friend tonight 42 Helena 42 at the time, but I would never speak to him. Shortly afterwards, I met Richard.

It was a whirlwind romance, and within a year we were engaged and buying an idyllic farmhouse in the Norfolk countryside while I continued my journalistic career, commuting to London. He was a successful singer and, as we toured the country, I thought I had finally found the excitement and love that I craved. But Matthew was never far from my thoughts, and Richard complained that I often brought him into conversations, even comparing them.

They were so different. Although outwardly romantic, Richard was repeatedly unfaithful, and I never felt secure enough to start a family with. Eventually, pink spiders modern swinger lyrics three-and-a-half years together, he walked out, having admitted his latest paramour was pregnant by.

My life fell apart.